I’ve been writing. Not so much in this blog, but my memoir. For a week it was nearly every day. I’ve slacked off, but I’m still working on it. This is well beyond anything else I’ve been able to do so far. I have 12 pages. I’m also getting household chores done and keeping up on my email, and we’re making progress on getting the house unpacked, etc.
But, I have a dark secret. I’m sleeping like a teenager—going to bed late and getting up late. I don’t know whether its about being a night person or if its actually part of my fibromyalgia. Really, I just can’t get out of bed in the morning. I know that fibromyalgia symptoms can include chronic fatigue syndrome. And, I know that the treatment is to get up at the same time every day and go to bed at the same time every day. That is so much easier said than done.
I am able to get up when I have an obligation. But, since I left my job, I don’t have much in the way of obligations other than taking my kid to work/school. And I go back to bed when I get home.
So, every morning, when I wake to an alarm or on my own, I ask myself if I want to stay awake and my answer is always no. When I have to take my kid in, I keep hitting the snooze on my alarm. Once I get up and move around enough, I’m generally up unless I haven’t had enough sleep. I usually get home from dropping off my kid and go back to sleep.
If I haven’t had enough sleep, I just sit on the couch and play Facebook games or read or otherwise do things that are not productive for hours. I have been known to sit on the couch and just space out, feeling unable to even lift a hand to change the channel. I have to have enough sleep to be motivated and sometimes even then I can’t motivate myself to do anything. It might be depression, but where does depression stop and sleep deprivation start?
Pushing yourself to get up when you don’t want to is something you do for a day or a week, but when it becomes months or years, its starts feeling like its unsurmountable. The pain has been easy compared to the sleep.