I Lost a Friend

 

Just about a week before our crazy snow storm, we had to put down one of our two dogs. Tucker had cancer of the lining of the spleen.  This cancer is unfortunately difficult to cure and we decided not to put him through surgery and chemo when his chances of recovery were very, very small.  Its also non-symptomatic until it grows enough to interfere with other organs in the abdomen.  At the beginning of December, he was not attacking his food with his usual enthusiasm, but it was also coming off as being distracted.  He was eating less and less and beginning to get lethargic and thats when we took him to the vet.

I feel guilty for not taking him sooner, but I’m not sure it would have mattered.  We might have caught it early enough to have a better chance of success with the operation and chemo.  However, my impression is that by the time its detectable, the odds are pretty low.  Besides, at this point, I can’t focus on what might have been.  We’ve spent the time since his death alternately crying/talking about him and trying to occupy ourselves and his sister, Molly.  We have spent a lot more time with Molly, like nearly every minute for the first few days.  The time spent with her has been beneficial for all of us.

So, I had to write a poem about him:

 

Tucker

So, this is it

Sudden and abrupt

One day you are listless

The next we know

Its cancer

And we are saying

Goodbye my friend

 

Two weeks ago

I wondered why you

Weren’t racing to

Finish your food

Two weeks ago

You were normal

Stealing things

Off the counter

Chasing your sister

Around the yard

Pulling on your leash

To catch up

 

At home

I see your sister

And she reminds me

Those same brown eyes

Same short eyelashes

That I looked at

As I said goodbye

Tried to memorize

Your face

Felt the lost muscle

In your legs

How big the mass

In your belly was

 

At home is Molly

She looks like you

Her color whiter

But the same fur

Same way of

Putting her paws

On the counter

My heart stops

I wanna cry but

She is my baby too

 

 

Now you’re gone

She makes this cry

I’ve never heard before

She wants us with her

She’s lonely

Your human family cries too

And we talk about

Our memories

How you let Molly

Do the barking

And crate opening

But you were faster

At catching ice cubes

 

We love you

We miss you

We will always miss you