I’m tired. In fact, I’ve been exhausted.
I’ve been busy. You’ve seen my soap. I’m also working on carving wood with the idea of using wood as a negative for a soap stamp. And I’m doing some things with polymer clay that I have always planned to do: mokume gane, making canes, etc.
I must say that my biggest issue this past week was feeling I am not very focused. This leads to wondering if I can make a go out of anything when I am not directing my energy into one single pursuit.
I have to say, I’ve also done a smattering of other things, like looking at poetry including several poetry publications, discussing children’s book illustrations, and knitting. So, yeah, headed off in like 5- 10 different directions.
For the past week or so, I’ve had plans for Superbowl Sunday. Its been awhile since I’ve made a good meal and football is the best excuse to eat snacks. However, back in the fall, we gorged ourselves on a very excellent purchased meal of barbecue during a football game. It didn’t go well. While the food was fabulous, it was too much fat and salt and calories and we were miserable. So, I made plans ahead of time to make good, tasty food for us for this Sunday.
The short of that is: I was on my feet for about 2 hours in the kitchen chopping tomatoes for salsa and making turkey meatballs. This does not seem like a long time, but its long for me to be on my feet. Standing. It didn’t seem so bad until I sat down before I made the second batch of meatballs.
But, its not so much the fact that I hurt after standing so long. What threw me off was the fact that I slept a full night Saturday and still felt tired on Sunday. And there it is: My reminder that I am not my normal self.
I am afraid that if I push myself too far, I will take days to recover. I can’t commit myself to a job. I can’t commit myself to starting a business (selling soap–a passing thought) because I don’t know what will push me to far and leave me exhausted again.
Maybe my prime thoughts should be to test myself. Instead of living in fear of what I don’t know.
Aside (as long as I was in the kitchen): Poor Sarah, my cat keeps taking her clothes off.